And I'm ok admitting that. I've seen so many women (myself included) trying to be perfect in every aspect of her life. Mom, Wife, Sex Goddess, Craft Maker, Pinterest Do-er, Body Builder, Chef, Student, Professional...No wonder we are tired most of the time. I very much find myself trying to do all of these things and do it to my fullest ability so that everything is perfect. I want my house to be perfect, not look like a day care. I want my kitchen to smell delicious and my husband to come home and say "Mmm somethin' smells good sugar!" And then praise my amazing meal. All while staring me up and down (because of course I have full makeup and hair done) and visually undressing me and making me feel as sexy as ever. I want my boys to look at me with admiration and just shower me with kisses knowing that they are so lucky to have a mommy like me. I want to get a 4.0. I want to perfect my business and my photography. I truly want all of those things. But it's so unrealistic. Especially since I do not work out at all!!!! HA! <--I was waking up at 4:30am every morning till I realized my vision was so blurry on my way to class that I almost got in an accident..had to let something go, and guess what was on the top of my list to go?? Physical workouts! ;) It's not unrealistic for me to achieve these things, its unrealistic for me to work so hard at it all at once and expect these results.
So I feel defeated. I feel defeated not because I'm not being the perfect wife or mom or sex goddess. But just defeated. Probably because I'm tired. I feel defeated...doesn't necessarily mean I am.
We sold our house--Yay!
Now what?? We don't know! That's one of those unknowns that I hate.
I can handle busy. I've been busy ever since I started grad school when Beau was 5 months old. I love busy. I can't handle sitting around for days and days. I prefer to be up and doing something.
But stress? I guess I can't handle that as well. I have had stressful times in my life and have handled them with my head held high. But this time, I'm feeling it...literally in my body I am feeling pain over this stress and it sucks.
So now what?--We're moving in with my parents. To some that may seem like a nightmare, and it may very well be. But I think it'll be fine. My parents live alone in their large home that my siblings and I grew up in. There is plenty of room. I'm not worried about crawling all over each other and constantly being on each other's nerves. I'm so lucky to even have parents that would offer me with my husband and two boys to come stay with them until we figure things out.
Tripp needs a helmet. This one was most of the reason why I wanted to break down in tears in class. When I took him to the doctor to get his head measured, I just kept thinking "We don't belong here. MY baby is perfect and doesn't need any sort of brace."--I also think it hit me a bit harder bringing me back to when I had to have a back brace for my scoliosis at 12. <--talk about insecure years! I spoke with a friend who had to have her daughter in a helmet and she gave me so much peace. She talked as if it was no big deal (which it truly isn't) and that she was so glad they did it. She was so encouraging! So we are in the process of getting him a helmet. (Poor baby's head is just flat as a pancake!! He gets comfy on his back for bed and does not move an inch through the night!-Much different from my very active Beau!) He will have to wear it 23 hours a day... they say it's harder for the parents than the baby. He won't even notice it. And if ya think about it, it'll keep his little head warm through the winter! :)
*positive thinking, positive thinking, positive thinking*
So with all of that said..packing..studying..counseling..photography..2 year old, whiney Beau..money issues..money issues..money issues..I decided to get out my camera and snap some good ones of Beau before we left for school this morning. I also sat down and edited some pictures from Tripp's monthly pictures that I've been slacking on...
